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2004-02-25 - 9:31 p.m.

Dear you, Thanks for allowing me to boost your ego. I hope my feelings for you and my heart being crushed lets you sleep soundly tonight. You are left with yourself and I am left with a phone bill. I also can't get over an incident that happened a month ago. Two of my very best friends who I love dearly left a message on my machine meant to be for another friend Sara. It's happened before but this message mentioned an invitation to their house warming party on that very friday. I asked them what their plans were and they told me they had some work things to do and wouldn't be able to hang out. Then this message meant for another sara was left and of course I called them back right away to ask why (but i kind of already knew). I actually just told them they left the message for the wrong sara. There was silence on the other end of the phone and then an apology. "I'm so so sorry". I started to cry because another guest of theirs can't seem to get over me and instead of dealing with that they decided to keep their shindgig a secret and not invite me. I simply just said I had to go and hung up. They haven't called or contacted me since. Not once. I emailed them a valentine to let them know I forgive them and still nothing. This stings like a motherfucking bee and I lie awake wondering if this is totally it or they can't face me over guilt. What to do, what to do. My bee sting keeps me awake at night and yet again more friends have let me down. Maybe it's the west coast. I've been keeping in touch with an old friend from montreal who I lost touch with and we had a spat years ago but thanks to myspace she's found me and we're all grown up and write long emails to each other and catch up and she's going to graduate school at a school here. It was that easy. Forgive and forget. Be honest because I can take it. No secrets. I can no longer be friends with people who I can't trust. Timmy and MArk are coming over to give me hugs (because I need them) and watch Turbonegro the movie. Another one (I mean two) have bit the dust.

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