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2004-02-01 - 8:21 a.m.

I woke up miserable yesterday. I thought it was just pms or perhaps my mind telling me I was in for a really shitty day. I've heard stories of people feeling terrible for no reason because of something terrible that happened to them the year before. I actually dated someone who would be miserable for three months out of the year. He wouldn't answer the phone. He just wasn't able to snap out of it. Anways to make a long story short. It's been exactly a year to the day I was dumped by my first true love ever yesterday. That was the biggest kick in the stomach ever and it fucked me up all year. So yesterday was that day to the day and the first boy that has given me butterflies all year met some other girl. I feel terrible today. I couldn't sleep at all. I laid awake listening to the murder city devils until after 3am. I had nightmares of trying to get on a ferry to take me away somewhere where people who loved me were waiting for me and no matter how hard I tried I wasn't able to get on it. One year ago. That's quite unbelieveable. I should send him an anniversary card or something and thank him for making me a better person out doing that. Actually let's not.

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