2003-05-20 - 11:25 p.m.
I just got home from Dunk's. Swank swank pad. In her yuppie building the tenants have an option of booking the movie theater which also has cable. It seats 30. There was about 10 of us. Buffy was ruined due to everyone laughing when I know very well if I had been watching it alone I would of cried when Spike died. I felt a lump in my throat. I'm majorly majorly pmsing and I'm just over sensitive like that anyway. We watched the Osbournes and it was an episode where Kelly gets hammered and everyone was lauging when Kerry had to point out how simliar Kelly's antics were to mine when I'm hammered. I had trouble seeing the similar things but everyone was laughing and calling Kelly me. hardy ha ha. Should I be flattered becuase she's the cutest girl ever or emabarassed because I guess I roll around on the floor and embarass myself. Oh whatever. Today at work I had a talk with bratalie over how no matter what you do. There are bound to be people who are not going to like you and there is nothing you can do about it. Yeah I have people here who absolutly hate my guts more than anything and their pals hate me too and for a while it bothered me. But now I just don't give a fuck. I've got my words of wisdom from him.. which are do whatever the fuck you want to do and don't let anything stop you especially other people's dislike of you. So yeah. Take that. zero plus zero equals zero? I guess thats true too. I'm delerious after nightmares all night of me being on a boat that my papa was sailing and it capsized and I was underneath and had the littlest space to breathe from. I had to eventually swim under water to reach air but I was so afraid to because I wouldn't make it. Geeez what does that have to do with my life these days. It's like reading it in a book. I wish I remember if I made the choice to swim under the boat to air. I wish I remembered if I actually even made the choice to try. I woke up many times and at the end of the night in the early morning I dreamed I was sleeping on Matt's lap, (which was really my pillow). It was the best sleep. Too short but I woke up feeling good and it felt real. But it was only my pillow.
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