2003-04-22 - 10:43 p.m.
I would very much like to got to bed right now but every jocko has decided to hit the streets just to beep their car horn to celebrate the game. I can't sleep and I'm getting more and more pissed. This has been going on for an hour and after yet again a horrible day of work for a coke head run company all I want to do is go to bed and dream. Last night's sleep was full of nightmares. One that was so awful I had to actually sit up with the light on and fall asleep to the television. What happened was I was driving around with my mum. A crazy woman was trying to attack the car and I opened the door to hit her and she pulled out a needle and stabbed me in my arm. I actually woke up feeling like my arm hurt. It was an omen of the events today. My job seems more and more awful by the day. Not my job actually but workplace. Today I was told the owner told some staff members not to worry about me (or any authority I have or had) and that I was angry because I wasn't getting a raise and they were". What is the most fucked up thing about this is I just can't figure out why he would say anything so awful about me. So untrue. I cried because I just don't know what to make of it. Why it was said and these people are my staff members. I felt kicked in the face. Stabbed in the arm with a needle. I called my mother. She pointed out that the company is run by a drug addict who doesn't think like a normal person would, the real world is full of sexist pigs who will judge you just because you're a woman and to buck up nod and do my job. Does she ever know how to put me in my place. It's all true. I guess I just came to the conclusion that this isn't a place where I want to be anymore. If I was going to advance at all it would of already happened. To quote my e-mail to Jen. I'm not a skinny blonde cock-sucker like everyone else in any postion of authority. It's screwed up by very very true in this case. I've been told again and again don't do anything your not paid to do. Never ever again. Thank fucking christ Heidi was around to clear my head for an hour. You my girl have no idea how rad you are and how you have the power to make me feel better in my lowest slump. Thank you for your talks lady and thank you for my new kitchen table J and for picking me up from work when I needed you. I'll miss you when your gone. Car beeping has slowed down. A few beeps here and there. That I can handle.
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