2003-03-03 - 9:00 p.m.
So I moved. Moved into a rad huge apartment and I have crackheads upstairs. Yesterday I had to listen to a woman screaming and yelling and banging like she was locked in a room or something for hours. I turned on my stereo and minded my p's and q's and went to see Old School finally ("three people coming at me with blindfolds like it was a god damn magic show"). By the time I got home it had stopped. For fuuuuck sake. Oh well I've lived in worse places. I met one of my neighbors and it's a girl my age who lives alone too and she told me about how she was so scared when she first moved in but she's been here six months and never had a problem. I'm still in shock at how huge and bright and nice this place is. I'm happy. I think I scared my mom telling her about it and the woman screaming though. Oops. Considering I'm paying the same rent Mabel does for her one room apartment in New York City (in American funds) where she has to share a bathroom and kitchen with ten people I got a deal. The only casualties were my glass table top. It smashed and it's all my fault and I cried. Then the top of my record player cracked. Not bad at all. Maybe I can put cardboard on the table or something. Classic me moment. I tripped and kicked a box over (which was holding up the thing) and it slid down and smashed. Nice play Shakespeare.
At work I sat down and talked to the idiot who I caught sneaking more shit in her bag. I told her I didn't trust her and if this was anywhere else she's be out the door. I didn't trust her to be alone at the end of the day and sent her in with the other girls for the last hour because I wouldn't be there. I hope she quits. Jody started today too. I really like that girl. I wish she was working with me. We're going to go cruising on our cruisers soon. Her boyfriend did my rose tattoos and I have the feeling this is going to be a beautiful friendship. Sometimes you just really "click" with someone. She's rad. I really like her. Good girls gotta stick together.
Another girl I know got dumped out of the blue this weekend. She only cried once today. Much stronger than me I must say. I just kept on telling her I knew exactly how she felt. I felt so sad for her, than I felt sad just because I really did know just what she was going through. What's worse than that? Having him go home with another girl three weeks later. That feels worse. I can't believe how Love can complete and utterly fuck you up so bad. It takes over your life. I tried to end the break I've been taking from talking and I just ended up feeling more mad. Why is it so necessary to be such a dick to me sometimes? Is it a defense mechanism of some sort. I just don't get it. All I want is to be normal and hang out. I thought that�s what he was into too. I want to be left alone once again because the one time I make an effort I end up feeling like shit. Why is so hard to be like it was before. If you have feelings for someone and think they�re rad then isn�t that enough? Well it�s always been for me. Leave me alone. I�m extremely exhausted and I�m basically just talking out my ass. I just like being treated right. This doesn�t have to be so difficult! Once again he makes me want to go and scream in my pillow. Actually I�ll do out loud. The neighbors are used to it. They won�t care.
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