2003-02-23 - 7:50 p.m.
Isn't it amazing how one person has the power to make you feel so awful, so sad so void and useless (even when they don't know the're doing it) and all it takes is one other person to make you feel priceless. I got a call from one of my girls just to say hi today and she caught me in a moment when I needed someone. She set me straight, reminded of my flaws and and put me in my place. Told me that she'd never met anyone like me ever adn I just have too much love in me to give. I've got some shit to deal with. She knows I'm crazy. I know I am too. I've always thought it was in the best way possible of course. These days it's just out of control. Last night I hit ultimate rock hard bottom. I've been imagining these ideals of things that just aren't a possibility. Things that just aren't realistic. Situations and feelings I imagined to make me happy to make me feel complete that aren't going to be there and never were to begin with. I think I've come to a conclusion. I'll be better from it. When Lettie was visiting me she told me I was one lucky girl to have such amazing best girl friends. She was right. I wasn't able to get a hold of her all weekend. Lucky for me another good friend called when I needed her. She was mad that I didn't call her earlier. I should of but I didn't think anything or anyone could make me better. I felt like an idiot. I guess I am special. The question is do you think I am?
Got my roses finally filled in today. They look beautiful. They look so rad. It didn't hurt that much until he touched up my other arm. It killed! Apparently your brain gets used to handling pain on one side of your body and focuses on that side but then when moving to the other side it hurts twice as hard. How interesting. I poked a whole in the toe of my favorite sugar shoes today too. Son of a bitch. I can't find these anywhere! not even on ebay. Fuck.
My room looks naked. No pictures, no posters. Almost time to move. You really know who your real friends are when you need to move too. I hate helping people move. Everyone does let's be honest. But I need help. Inger offered to come from Seattle to help me. Now that�s a good friend. I feel better tonight than I did yesterday. I'll sleep good. I don't feel as obsessed an out of control as I did before. Once you hit rock hard bottom you can't fall any further. No more tears today. Only trailor park boys. Holy fack!